We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
