We won't sleep together?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
