Non-Jews are for practice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
