so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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