I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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