i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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