Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
