I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
