Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
