it hurts more in the daytime
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
