just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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