Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
