Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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