Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
