he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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