batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
