he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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