she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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