Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
