I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
