I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
