So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
