I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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