Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
