he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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