My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
