dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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