I'm gonna have a badass scar
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
