it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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