Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
