i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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