FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
