I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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