I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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