Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
