i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
