I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
