so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
