Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
