3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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