I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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