He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize