she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
