Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
