Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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