I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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