dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
