If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My life is pants optional.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
