Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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