At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
